ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
