this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
