I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
