I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
