can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
