I can't breathe out the right side of my face
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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