Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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