Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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