Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
