i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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