I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
