I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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