Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
