Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
