No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
