This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
