I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
