That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
