what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
