Soap is not a condiment
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
