amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
