We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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