: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize