I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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