When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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