Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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