I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
bring money and cleavage
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
