just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My dick has a subreddit
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
