i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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