I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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