if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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