Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
