i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
