Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
