shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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