Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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