I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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