if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
