I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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