people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My penis needs a shock collar
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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