Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
