So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
