1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
