literally had 100 drinks last night.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
