i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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