Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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