What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
