dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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