I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
