oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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