Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize