and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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