So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize