He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
