Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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