I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
