Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
