we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
