I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
