She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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