You really coming over, don't trick.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
