I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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