you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
