OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
