I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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