I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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