i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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