he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
