while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
