**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
