Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
