dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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