take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
