I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
