I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
