Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
