omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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