Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
