Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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