Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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