Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
