Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
