I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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