he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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