There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can I color on your dick again?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
