There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
