Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
