Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You're like the curious george of whores
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
