my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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