Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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