her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
