Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
