i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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