I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Semen is not good for contacts.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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