I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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